"There's a humorous side to every situation. Its because volunteers work for no pay. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. ", 120. ", 23. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. -George Carlin There you are. And nobody seems to notice. The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. They dont fall out of the sky. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. They own everything. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. I mean, life is tough. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . No nothing! The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. ", 56. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. They own all the important land. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. he was a conservative. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. Thats right. Learn how your comment data is processed. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. You don't. You have no choice. "I have certain rules I live by. George Carlin. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . They never mention that part to us, do they? Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. Teach them to question what they read. Carlin is usually spot on. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. ", 97. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . "In America, anyone can become president. They should be giving their money to you. No nothing. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. His beliefs in fairness and equality in. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. ", 102. Why? Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? Keep your circle small. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. Next, honor thy father and mother. Toothpicks? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Everybodys going to save something now. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. They should be more vivid. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. Trump did not fall to Earth from. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. But once you're born, you're on your own. '", 123. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. ", 5. They own everything. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? ", 22. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. ", 37. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. It helps in improving the performance. 41. ", 3. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. ", 75. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. Nothing changed. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. They dont care about you at all. They should be more vivid. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. ", 64. He missed this one. ", 115. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. "It helps to remember this.. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. "Forget the politicians. Nobeody seems to care. "I was a loner as a child. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. They dont give a fuck about you. That is against their interests. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . Now, some people like to twist that around. ", 38. ", 32. They will do anything for the unborn. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. At all. ", 10. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. This is the best we can do, folks. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Which doesn't make any sense at all. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. ", 86. They own everything. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. ", 24. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. And complaining about the politicians. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. I like people who buck the system. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. You don't. You have no choice! An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. Individualists. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. They own everything" "They've. If a dog can do it, you can watch. ", 9. ", 118. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! "Laugh often, long and loud. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). ", 101. ", 121. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. They own you. George Carlin. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. "Some people see the glass half full. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? You dont. The Monday night crucifixions! Maybe this time itll work. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. "Don't give your money to the church. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. The people are f**ked. ", 21. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. ", 4. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives . And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Then you live in an old age home. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The rights and the rights of property. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. RIP George Carlin. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. ", 25. ", 110. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. They've got you by the balls. They own all the important land. ", 63. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. That's generally been true. Obedience, respect for authority. You dont. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. They own and control the corporations. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. You have no choice. Everybody's . Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. ", 65. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. Thats all it is. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' ", 96. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. "I don't have pet peeves. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. That doesnt help them. I didn't bother with him. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. The table has tilted, folks. You have no choice. Enjoy! But He loves you. ", 119. ", 52. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. ", 26. They dont want to hear from you. '", 78. Trouble is, most of them suck. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . Thats the problem. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. A cat . (LogOut/ ", 11. After that, they don't want to know about you. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. And nobody seems to notice. They dont wanna hear from you. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? You only get to hear cats. #AmericaWakeUp. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. A Death! ", 11. "How is it possible to have a civil war? Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. It's so f**kin' heroic. ", 47. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. We're so self-important. Others see it half empty. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. 02. "People are fucking nuts. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. The truth is, we dont have people like that. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. They own you. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. ", 41. Now I feel better. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. George Carlin Quotes On . Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. ", 112. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. George Carlin. You know what they want? Where are these people hiding? And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit.